The best laid plans...

Have you ever heard the saying “...the best laid schemes of mice and men [and women!] go often askew?” I think we all know this somewhere deep in our consciousness and it scares us to our soul. Planning gives us the comfortable illusion that we have some control of our lives. We are so good at it and so dependent on our plans that when they often go askew we cling to them like mice on a sinking ship. Even when the threat of the sea swallowing us is imminent, we worry about abandoning our carefully laid plans. The ship may be going down, but at least the route is clear and visible. Who knows where you will end up if you jump ship and embrace your intention to live? The unknown is a scary destination.

There are a lot of ways that our plans can get interrupted by the unforeseen events of life. Illness, accident and death are some biggies. But there are some others that are easier to overlook that can scare the pants off of us too: new opportunities, options that present themselves to us that were not considered and good fortune-these have the ability to derail our plans as well.

I started thinking about this a few weeks ago after I ran into a friend I had not seen in a while. As we stood in a parking lot catching up and commiserating about school work, and the speed of life, a revelation jumped from her mouth. She thought she might be pregnant. Now this possibility did not fit well into her life’s “plan” at the moment. She was a bit panicked because of what an unplanned pregnancy would do to her life, her plans for a career, her family and to top it all off she never saw it coming. All turned out well for her and as of now her plans are still on course. But this conversation reminded me of how much importance we tend to give our plans and how the potential of them being disrupted can send us spiraling into panic and fear. I find this idea illuminating because I find myself at a different crossroad with my plans.

I set out with the plan of going to graduate school over a year ago. The application process did not go as planned; I did not get into the school I had wanted to go to but all seemed to work out for the best. I accepted and enrolled in a program I was excited about, they gave me a small scholarship and my plan plugged along on course. So, this fall I embarked on the road to a Master’s degree. I planned on completing it in a year and seeing where it brought me, most likely to pursuing a Ph. D.—that was the plan.

Now I find myself somewhere I never expected. Graduate school seems to be providing me with something much more than an academic education and a possible career. What I am discovering is an unforeseen opportunity that was not part of my original plan; the opportunity to see clearly where my focus lies and disturbingly enough I am finding it is not in the academic realm. This is an unexpected wrench in my carefully laid plan. This unforeseen wrench has now developed into a challenge for me. Am I brave enough to step away from a clear path that is void of my passion and my careful laid scheme? Will I embark on a new path that is not mapped and is by all means uncertain? This path will not provide me with an accredited transcript to further my career options but, instead, will demand that I step out on my own into the unknown and pursue my vocation. A vocation that is yet to be named -- scary stuff. But one I think I must pursue.

The Buddhists warn us that suffering in this life is caused by our clinging. Clinging to ideas that no longer serve us, clinging to anger, clinging to our “…best laid schemes that often go askew.” And when these schemes go askew, we have a choice on how to interpret them. We can see them through the eyes of fear and hold tight to them for all we’ve got; holding fast to them because for many the unknown is worse than the suffering of clinging. Or we can face the fear, release ourselves from the original plan with a blessing and step away from it onto the path of the unknown. Our fear will do its best to present us with every possible danger that could potentially be ahead. But in my mind, this seems the better option than clinging to a plan that has served its purpose. Even if it is not the purpose or outcome you originally planned...


Excerpt from To a Mouse by Robert Burns

But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
Still you are blest, compared with me!
The present only touches you:
But oh! I backward cast my eye,
On prospects dreary!
And forward, though I cannot see,
I guess and fear!

“My heart has spread its sails to the idle winds for the shadowy island of anywhere…”
Tagore Radindranath